*The Real Me* 

When I really think about it, and just being honest with myself the only times I can remember truly being what God wanted me to was when I was 14 yrs old - 16yrs old. I consider those years very valuable because that is a time in my life that God truly revealed Himself and His heart to me. I'm not saying I didn't live for or love God outside those years, but during that time I had clear understanding. I had a clear motive and purpose. I had a pure mind. Very few people know that person in me because knowing that person is the closest anyone can get to knowing the real me. That person in me that wants so deeply to see everything...EVERYTHING in God's heart. The person in me who wouldn't dream of leaving God's side even for a second. The person in me who's concern is for everyone...EVERYONE to see God for who He really is. The person in me who truly loves people and wants the world to be ok. The person in me who's passion is for purpose and destiny. The person in me who lives for transformation and change. I know God's heart, but I haven't ALWAYS made it my heart. For a while I kept that person a secret, even now. I kept the God in me a secret out of fear. Why would I do that? I let my circumstances and situations tell me I was something different or that I should be something different. I let the enemy convince me to be afraid of people, pain, and disappointment. I kept that person in a safe place where no one could see because I was afraid I would never meet anyone that shared that same heart, and I was afraid of being alone. Sometimes I didn't want people to see it. Then the more I allowed myself to be hurt by people and situations the more I buried who I really was away only to replace it with a false view of myself that I assumed others would prefer or accept. Eventually I pretended it wasn't there thinking that would make things easier to the point I was trying to separate from God and convince myself that God didn't have my back (which backfired lol). I was doing too much. I was giving myself and the enemy wayyy too much control. I was trying to run away from myself in order to protect myself from getting hurt. I was living by what the enemy told me I should be, instead of living by what God gave me from birth. My life was controlled by lies from the enemy... Lies that said I couldn't trust people, lies that said I don't have real power, lies that said I have to look out for myself because no one including God will have my back, lies that said I am alone, lies that said people are not worth caring about, lies that said my pain would never go away, lies that said I should just give up, etc. And I told myself "It's too late." But that's a lie. The truth is that I don't have to accept lies and the pain, confusion, and distraction that comes with it because I have God's truth. I let Satan win the battle, but I will win the war. Why? because I didn't forget who I am, I only was hiding it. God gave me a vision a long time ago. God told me who I am and my purpose a long time ago. God revealed the secrets of his being to me a long time ago. And now it's about time I share that with the world. It's time to remember who I am. I'm tired of being afraid and feeling trapped. I'm tired of hiding the good in me. I'm tired of holding back. God placed a power in me that I've watered down just so I could fit in the world. I'm tired of fitting in...It's time to stand out...and be the real me.

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