Sometimes I'm scared and very afraid,
Sometimes I worry and question these days.
I thought I was strong, but I'm actually insecure,
I thought I was wonderful, superior, and sure.
I was decieved, only decieving myself,
Thinking I could do it with no one else.
But why did I think i could do it alone?
Why did I show only what I thought should be shown?
What do they see when they look in my eyes?
Do they see the true me or do they see all the lies?
I can't believe I'm actually saying these words,
When others say them they sound so absurd.
How can I show truth, when they've seen lies for so long?
I feel so weak, not a little bit strong.
I want to be stronger, but it's holding me back,
"It" is the confidence I seemingly lack.
I know it's embedded deep within my soul,
I want it to shine, to shine bright as a whole.
I want it to be easy, but it feels so rough.
I hold it inside because I'm trying to be tough.
Sometimes I feel I've forced myself,
to be happy inside though that's not how I felt.
When will I learn to stop doing it myself?
Maybe that's the problem...I'm doing it myself.
When will I learn to start letting go?
And rely on the One who can rescue my soul?
I know I can be happy, but I HAVE to let go.
I can't do this alone, I need God's help.